I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I didn't notice because vodka
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
