every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Randomize
