she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
