I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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