Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
