I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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