if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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