Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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