Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Randomize
