and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
