I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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