just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
