Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
