I look better un-naked...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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