God, you're like boner-b-gone
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
