I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
