i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
