just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
