You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
