i barfeds in our rink
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
