Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize