wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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