just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
