omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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