Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
smell my finger.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
