There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
