I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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