you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Omg I joined a choir last night...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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