I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
