Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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