My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
