Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
