There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
