you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I didn't notice because vodka
pray to the hookup gods
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Dick very happy bro
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
we should paint friendship bongs
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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