how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Someone shit on the floor
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize