I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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