if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
whose ass print is on the piano?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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