i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
