Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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