You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
