rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
