You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
