burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
