why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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