So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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