There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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