Im at strip club and am horny
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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