I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
