i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
the liver wants what the liver wants
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
