if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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