$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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