quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
