Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
