i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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