Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
