White coat. Heels.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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