so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
