is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You're earring is so big in my mouth
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
