My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
