Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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