This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
