Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
