I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize