My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
