Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
