I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
