i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
