evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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