I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
