Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
