The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
