I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
