yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
