had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
