I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
