We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
