you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
ok first of all what the fuck
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
